I get it now.

I didn't understand how she ever got hired as a game designer, how any of this happened. The sewers used to be so much larger, the whole game was supposed to be so much grander. By God, you can see on the map that there was so much space that the sewers were supposed to encompassed, then the maps got cut, then the sewers got cut, and now I have to edit the damn maps to fit what they ended up being: a pathetic reminder of what could have been. Why include them at all? They must've known I would see it even after I "left". It must've been to taunt me.

What, exactly, was the decision making process EXPEITEC went through to hire some moronic bitch who only knew how to scribble worthless nonsense onto recycled mauve legal pads and thought it compared at all to the real work of game development? And then to send her to Mipsco? And for that little girl to have the bright idea that she would improve a game that she even couldn't run on her computer without adult help? It only really makes sense if you see what it all is: compromised hiring staff who invest in diversity instead of actual competence.

Everyone has seen that photo of that housewife in her twee leather jacket and inappropriately short dress in PC Gamer's "Game Gods" section. I would not be surprised if Besson-Waltz or whatever she insists on calling herself now thought of her as her "icon". It gets to me that she really thought she was something special. Patting herself on the back for being "feminist" for thinking that women should go fight dragons. Women would die. Even actual feminists acknowledge that there's simply a strength difference between men and women that can't be ignored. I should've taught her that lesson first hand. But instead she got to bury her head in the sand and insist that any of it could ever happen the way she laid out. I mean, she even LEFT WORK ONE DAY because of her hormones. Knights don't do that. I can't imagine that any warrior that had inhibited decision-making, weakened muscles, and aggressive mood swings once a month would ever be able to survive the trip to get to the tower in the first place, let alone get to the bottom and slay a dragon. Dragons that, by lore, posess incredible strength, reflexes, and magical prowess. The princess makes sense. She's trapped in the ampitheater and can't get out just like any woman would. I can't fucking believe the gall for her to push her agenda like that.

She's idiotic. But I guess idiocy sells since she's off working on whatever is the next AA sludge captures the minds of like-minded teenage idiots throughout the world. I mean she gets to say "I'm a game designer from the 80s" on her resume when she DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO USE THE EDITOR. And people who were ACTUAL game designers don't get the recognition I deserve. Don kept telling me that she had nothing to do with them putting me on the chopping block but that just doesn't make sense. I actually knew how to do things. I was getting stuff done. I was contributing actually useful ideas. You wouldn't fire someone like that for, what, asking a question? Just wanting to know how development on key piece of hardware is going? If anything they should've fired Ken I mean he spent all his time around her like some sort of lap dog sitting next to each other like teenage girls giggling in Algebra I and passing Post-Its. It's just so fucking embarassing. That woman made him stupid. Fine programmer, bad influence. I know people agreed with me. I know it. It all could've been different. The levels couldve been good the levels couldve made sense we couldve made actually impressive subversive dungeons it all wouldve worked out if we just never accepted their help if we just had more time but all i have left of it all is this.

It's just this. Forever.